Toxic Relationships, Emotional Abuse & Personal Growth

You know, there are days you wake up feeling like complete crap and then there are days you just feel like crap. I’m having neither of them. In fact, I’m good. So, there are plenty of reasons why we wake up feeling crappy. Maybe you had a terrible fight with your partner the night before or you’re about to go to work – a place you hate, or you’re just dealing with crappy people.

In life, we tolerate all kinds of things and people. But just how much are we willing to take before we “explode”? But even more important, what happens after the “explosion”? Do you detach yourself from a certain situation? Do you cut the person off or do you talk it out?

I used to do the latter. Talk it out. As I grew older though, I started doing the former. Removing myself from situations that are not healthy for my emotional and mental wellbeing. It works, well, for me at least. It’s not as easy as climbing a tree though. In fact, it takes a lot to get yourself in a space where you just don’t care anymore, and you just do what is best for you. Sometimes “just talking things out” is not enough, especially if the same things occur over and over and over. I mean at some point you have to change your way of doing things and just maybe look at things from a new angle or develop a new approach when tackling problems.

Toxic relationships aren’t just toxic. Most of them are good. Good for lessons that is. You learn what not to do, what not to say and what not to tolerate. You learn to take a stand for yourself. It’s okay not to be the “bigger person” all the time. It’s okay to be selfish. It’s okay to give people some of their own medicine; you might just heal them. By healing I mean, teaching them to be better human beings and not to take others for granted and to promote humanity.

Another part of toxic relationships, and I feel like this is the main reason relationships become toxic: emotional abuse. At some point in our life, I think we were all guilty of this ( maybe still are- just unaware of it.) I had a “on and off” friendship with someone for 4 years. He was very “depressed”. No, not clinically diagnosed, not that I know of, but sure seemed so. I did my best to cheer him up. Literally. But then, when I couldn’t sometimes, he started abusing me emotionally and sent me on several guilt trips. I would feel awful ( & I mean AWFUL). You start questioning yourself as a friend. And you’d apologize for something you had no control over. Via text messages it was the worst. Is it just me or does most people feel so powerful and the need to say anything and everything behind their little computer or phone screen? I am a terrible texter. So he’d send numerous texts in a very short time, saying some ugly stuff. I didn’t find fault the first time because he needed someone to talk to and who wouldn’t be frustrated? Right? Bullshit. (Excuse my French, I’m not very fluent) So, long story short, I told him I had enough and I don’t care anymore. He apologized. But it happened again and again and again. I suggested he go see someone. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out.

Moral is: People can only hurt you if you let them. They don’t have that power over you. We give it to them – by allowing it. Today, that friend and I are not on speaking terms. I forgave him but had to let him go. I chose to remove myself. I chose personal growth. I chose me.

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Ps- Check https://confessionsofanirishprocrastinator.wordpress.com/2018/03/02/blogger-appreciation-award/ for an amazing post on forgiving others!